Ain't No Crime
by Dru
Summary: Short silly little fic where Chase gets embarrassed by House. No pairings.


Pairing: None  
Parts: 1/1  
Status: Complete  
Spoilers: Nope. Set Season 2 ish. Eh at least post Sex Kills.  
Series/Sequel: Nuh-uh. Nope!  
Disclaimer: I do not own Chase, House or damn well anything. I just borrow and play with them for a while.  
Authors notes & Warnings: Weird, weird, WEIRD little thing to try to give my muses a kick in the ass and get back to writing again. Warnings for Chase embarrassment and mention of cross-dressing and singing.

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House giggled evilly as he minimized the windows on his computer. He picked up his cell phone and quickly fired off a text message to Wilson telling him to come over, then grabbed his large tennis ball off the desk and bounced it against the glass wall and waved for his fellows to come to him.

"Yeah, House?"

"Do we have a case?"

House just grinned and leaned back in his chair saying nothing.

After a moment Wilson came in though the balcony. "What do you want House?"

"Gather 'round kiddies! One of our own has been hiding something from us!" House announced swinging his chair back around to face the computer screen.

The others, waited a second, exchanged confused looks, then, all grouped around his to see the computer.

"Our own little Brit here has been living a double life!" House said as he clicked on a window and quickly hit play.

♪_"Ships crossing like ghosts in the night,"_♪

Four heads swiveled and stared at Chase.

Chase snorted and rolled his eyes. "Not me."

"Oh come on. If it looks like a wombat, and sounds like a wombat, it must be a wombat!" House declared pausing the video and giving Cameron a Look at the glazed eyed look she had gotten staring at the shirtless singer.

"Oh please. For one he's English. And once _again_, I'm Australian. Second, would you look at the date?" Chase leaned forward and used the mouse to point the pointer at the date in the corner. "I was working _here_ when Neal Fox made this! How could I do both?"

"Um he has a point House. Now that I'm thinking about it I think a girl I was dating was constantly gushing about a Neal Fox and played that song non-stop around that time." Wilson commented as Chase smirked triumphantly.

House seemed unaffected. "Hmm you might have a point there. But...try to explain away _this_ one." House said clicking on another window and hitting play.

♪"_The Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head,"_♪

Chase paled dramatically, Cameron's eyes nearly popped out, and Foreman looked green, as House grinned at the very familiar, if younger and tanner version of their co-worker stood on a stage singing in nothing but a tiny pair of gold lame short shorts.

"So seems like I was right about those short shorts huh?" House commented eyes raking over Chase's currently badly dressed body.

"Oh. My. God." Foreman whispered hoarsely looking ready to bolt from the room.

"Oh and how can we forget _this_ great one?" House could hardly keep him self from laughing as he clicked open another video and clicked play.

♪_"I'm just seven hours old, Truly beautiful to behold, And somebody should be told, My libido hasn't been controlled,"_♪

"Chase, Chase, Chase... is there something you'd like to share?"

Chase covered his face and whimpered. "I'll kill her. I'm going to get on a plane, fly to Australia, hunt her down and kill her."

"Ummm...?"

"My ex-girlfriend! Oh God...She said: 'You can spend all your time studying! You need fun! And one of my actors backed out! It's perfect! You'll have fun!' Argh! Dead! She's dead! I didn't even know there were any cameras!" Chase growled.

House snickered. "Everybody lies, Rocky."

"I hate you." Chase whimpered. Cameron and Wilson covered their mouths trying to hide her giggles, and Foreman and House weren't even trying to hide their own amusement. "I hate you all."

"Chase you've been holding out on us! If we'd known about this all those fund raisers Cuddy throws could have been a lot more exciting!" House teased.

"Oh dear God!" Chase moaned miserably, knowing House was _never_ going to let him live this down.

"You know... I think I'm gonna call Cuddy now! This'll make the hospital millions from horny little old ladies alone!"

"I'm...going to go jump off the roof." Chase muttered slinking towards the door, only to stopped by Wilson tugging on his sleeve.

"Chase it's ok. He's joking. Right, House?" Wilson kept a hold on Chase and Looked meaningfully at House.

"Maaaaybe. Maybe not." House was having _far_ too much fun with this.

"House!"

"Whaaat? I'm just trying to do my civic duty and help the hospital and all your little bald cancer brats and...stuff." House insisted, trying very hard to look wide eyed and innocent.

Chase tugged on Wilson's sleeve looking pitiful. "Roof? Please?"

"House how about a deal? Keep it to the normal level of mocking, keep anyone else out of it, and I don't take a way the pancakes."

House looked outraged. "Hey! No fair! You can't just take away a man's pancakes!"

Wilson put his hands on his hips and looked down at House. "And you won't lose them if you keep Cuddy and any little old ladies out of this."

"Oh fine! Ruin my fine and take away money from the hospital! Kill your little cancer kiddies! See if I care!" House pouted.

"Good. Now is play time over? Some of us have actual work to do. As much fun torturing your employees is I have to get back to my patients." Wilson said shaking his head as he left the way he came.

Foreman still looked amused. "Uh I have clinic duty." He said before turning and leaving.

"Um me too. Uh. Yeah." Cameron still looked, amused, confused, and kinda turned on as she followed Foreman out of the office.

"I- I'm going to the ICU." Chase mumbled, following the others out.

House waited a minute after the room emptied, then smirked. He might have promised no Cuddy and fund raisers but he hadn't said anything about a little... no, wait make that _a lot_, of in office embarrassment! He chuckled evilly as he pulled out a phone book and started looking for a local costume shop, humming _Sweet Transvestite_ under his breath.

The End.


End file.
